| bygones |
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| 08:04pm 16/05/2009 |
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so, its been 7 weeks today that matt selfishly ripped my heart out.
ive put so much energy into trying o be okay and be strong having to see him 6 out of 7 days of the week still. but, i just cried again today. i know im not really okay, and its like i ran out of energy to make myself seem that i am. im GETTING there. i think. i know have to get there. its so hard and im so sick of not being okay.
but at least ive only cried for like, 10 minutes this time. and i may go the entire week and be okay until next weekend when i can let down my guard in the comfort of my dog and my couch.
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| im jumping my ship |
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| 08:43am 16/07/2005 |
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mood:  brilliant or sumsing music: jlp acoustic
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so last night i saw alanis morissette. it was seriously the greatest thing ever and me and kara had so much fun. and no im not even exaggerating, she was amazing. jason mraz was her 'opening act' if you will.... got to here a just like a song an a half, pretty fun but i would have gotten annoyed if id been there for his whole set.
so yes, pretty much she rules my life |
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| what really gripes me..... |
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| 06:06am 19/04/2005 |
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mood: tired as HAIL! music: alanis
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i seem to get pissed off when i listen to a good ass band that i fully dig BUT THEN they try to pull that melodic tunes and cheesy (sometimes just gay ass) vocals that RUIN everything. and ok yes, i will admit there are a few bands that fit that there description and can pull it off pretty catchy and impressive, and even enjoyable. but, there is something like 8 bands that musically are metal as crap and like so dang rad, but then those lame parts show up, for no good reason, and im let down and completely annoyed. blaaaaahhhhhhh. it seems like the suckier bands actually have the better singing melodic parts and the bands that kick ass musically have the terrible singing parts. ok im over it.
moving on....
How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone
How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how leaderships looks when taught by the best |
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| so yeah... |
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| 02:27pm 18/04/2005 |
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i just googled my name. and did you know there is a www.nikkipedersontalent.com? ha, cracked me right up. the end. i miss OoN somethin fierce. boo. i have to leave the computer room now because billy is really bothering me in that he will not stop talking to me or asking me questions. BLAH |
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1 hair pull - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| here them come marching down the street |
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| 07:40pm 17/04/2005 |
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so, this weekend was totally badical. loved it. LOVED it. know what else i love? the new green day cd!!!!! it rocks so hard you fully should get it. dont forget the contender is on tonight. weeeeeeeeeeeee.
so, i want to go to this training vacation in new zealand to train with this super ard trainer, mark todd, for 3 day eventing. its only a 7 day thing but how rad is that??? probably not very if you dont know who that is...
thats all for now. 'cept for that i have a blister on my heel from wearing my super cute shoes for too long. bummer.
bi |
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| seaworld |
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| 02:30pm 04/04/2005 |
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this saturday me and dylan went to SEAWORLD! it was so great. mostly because i havent been there since i was probably 4 or something. anyway, we got fun cards so we can go back pretty much any time for the rest of 2005. and now i live only like 15 minutes from it. siiiiiiiic bronx.
at seaworld i:
...got to pet a baby budweiser horse. it was the cutest thing ever and frikkin huge
...watched dolphins do fun silly tricks
...have a funnel cake, which i love
...fed and pet dolphins, one spoke dolphin at me
...almost gagged attempting to pet a bat ray in the tide pool
...actually did gag, more than once, while attempting to feed one
...fed a sea lion
...watched the 8 different shamus perform and splash people who were sitting in the soak zone
being there made me want to work there. it was amazing. woooo. thats about it. thanks, bye.
i love aussie cheese fries and i love you |
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2 hair pulls - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| ill be back someday |
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| 06:42pm 27/03/2005 |
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im waiting for blood to flow to my fingers.....ill be alright when my hands get warm.
i would jsut like all of you to know how much THE CONTENDER fully rules my life. its so great. its on tonight at 8 on nbc. or abc? one of those and its soooooo great. i love boxing. ok thats all.
HAPPY EASTER
i love chocolate and peanut butter ice cream and i love YOU!! |
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3 hair pulls - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| alright stop |
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| 11:59pm 12/01/2005 |
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mood:  sneezy music: rasscal flatts
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today i:
.woke up late and took a steamy shower
.watched napoleon dynamite while micah took a nap
.wrapped legacys legs because she stocked up since her stall is so muddy and she refuses to walk around in it
.hand walked ducky and legacy for about 15mins each
.dug trenches in their stalls
.worked reidun, cookie, and katy
.went to michaels
.made this for angela's baby shower
p.s. its a shadow box and the cutest thing of my life
tomorrow i am:
.goign on a morning run with tauryn and petey
goodnight |
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| 20 things most people dont know about me |
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| 08:00pm 11/01/2005 |
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mood:  creative music: simple plan
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1. im freaked the heck out by anything that is super small and can move really fast (i.e. snakes, spiders, frogs, lizards, mice, ect.)
2. i hate pies that consist of any fruit whatsoever. the thought of the pies being warm is even more disgusting
3. i peed my pants in the 5th grade infront the class while doing a small skit, but most people thought i just started my period
4. i was tweedle dum in 4th grade for alice in wonderland
5. its hard for me to get out of a bad mood once im in one, which is easy for me to get
into
6. im a complete book worm
7. when i was small me and vinny would eat lotion
8. i am missing a tooth
9. i was born atticted to coke
10. when i was a youngin' i used to be babysat with Fairuza Bulk while her mom went out bellydancing
11. ive kissed a girl
12. in10th grade i saved up my lunch money until i had enough for my mother to take me to get my tongue pierced. before it was the cool thing to do
13. i used to have dred locks. haha
14. ive had my hair purple, pink, red, fushia, blue and probably a good 5 other colors or color combinations
15. after watching fairuza bulk in duces wild i wondered what i would like with bangs as she had in the movies. so i went to the bathroom and cut me some
16. i went to only one dance throughout my highschool career
17. i train horses and have been riding since i was 5 years old
18. when my brother and i would play dead when we were small we would lay spread eagle
on the ground with our tongues sticking out
19. i got in a huge verbal fight in 4th grade when i was best friends with shannon carter, we made fun of jill loveladys buck teeth and stacey sargents lisp. im pretty sure i cussed too
20. my last name at birth was chavez |
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3 hair pulls - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| ok so yeah |
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| 06:57pm 22/12/2004 |
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ive been wanting to go get my nails done for quite some time and so thats what i did tonight. and i was telling dylan i wanted to get a little skull and crossbones on 2 fngers so i asked the guy if he could do it. and i asked him if he could give a skull (blank stare) a pirate skull and wiht cross bones. and he was like 'oooh yeah waknvsanviunernaerj (whatever language he spoke) that would look cool.' so i was fully excited and it comes time for him to paint it on and heres what it actually turned out to be...
haha. its a cross and bow....vs a skull and cross bones.
oh well. |
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3 hair pulls - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| why not |
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| 06:07pm 20/12/2004 |
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mood: content
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got a few minutes?...........i do
My Father thinks I am: i have no idea i havent seen him since i was like 2
My Mother thinks I am: lazy, irresponsible, and a hassle
My grandma thinks I am: the most wonderful being on the planet
My best friend thinks I am: badass and pretty
:: EGO ::
your three best qualities = i like to help people out, im empathetic, im a creative thinker
three worst qualities = im fairly indecisive, i get burnt out on things fast, i start a lot of things but rarely finish them all.
three things you are often complimented for = my hair, my shoes, crackin jokes
a compliment you got that made you blush = nice boobs
you get embarrassed when = i see other people do lame ass things
upsets you = not have enough money.....EVER
:: Yes or NO ::
you keep a diary = i jot down things from time to time
you like to cook = mostly bake
have a secret you have not shared with anybody = no. but i have one that only 1 person in the world knows. (at least i think its only one person)
you fold your underwear = nope
you talk in your sleep = guilty
you bite your fingernails = no
you believe in love = its true
:: LAST ::
x. song you listened to = the new kelly clarkson song. i fully love it.
x. song that was stuck in your head = im just a kid by simple plan
x. song/movie you've downloaded = stewart clips from madtv
x. DVD you bought = the bluecollar dvd tour for vinny for christmas
x. CD you listened to = at the gates
x. person you've called = vinny
x. person that's called you = dylan
x. TV show you've watched = spongebob squarepants
x. person you were thinking of = jake and jesse
::DO YOU::
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = yes. so im going to
x. you think about suicide = no
x. others find you attractive = i like to think so
x. you want more piercings = my nipples. ha. and i dont think im really kidding.....
x. you want more tattoos = si
x. you drink = i do, and im a friggen cheap-a date
x. you do drugs = no
x. you smoke = no
x. you like cleaning = not usually
x. you carry a donor card = no but i have a doner sticker on my drivers license
:: have you ::
x. ever cried over a boy/girl = good lord yes
x. ever lied to someone = yeah
x. ever been in a fist fight = negative but sometimes i get the urge because i really want to whoop someone behind
x. ever been arrested = no
:: What ::
x. shampoo you use: l'oreal kids. STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE!!!
x. perfume do you use = love spell
x. shoes do you wear = um mostly chucks or uggs
x. are you scared of = outside after dark
:: Number ::
x. of times I have been in love? 1 and a half
x. of times I have had my heart broken? 3
x. of hearts I have broken? 2 i think
x. of boys I have kissed? WHAT!? i few
x. of people I've slept with? 1
x. of people from high school that I stayed in close contact with: 4
x. of cd's I own? hmm are we talking real cds? oh lord i could not even guess
x. my name has appeared in the newspaper? once or twice
x. things in my past that I regret? some personal things |
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pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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| so yeah.... |
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| 02:53pm 06/12/2004 |
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i think me and dylan have to take maiden back to the oceanside humane society. its like the saddest thing ever, mother kicked the dogs off her property and so we took them to deena's house to stay, and pete was there for 2 days by himself and it was working out good. but them maiden came over and them two just raised all hell. so yeah...dylan has to go pick her up today and its going to suck because he lives in el cajon but we would have to take her back to oceanside and i dont know it just really really sucks the big one. damn.
oh a happier note, life at TJs has been pretty cool. i watched return to oz last night. it rocked. ok the end im too pissed off to write in dear live journal. |
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3 hair pulls - pull my hair like in a school girl fight |
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